[lfjokes] The Philosphy of Steven Wright

[Simondo]

Steven Wright is  the guy who once said:

"I awoke one morning and all of my stuff had been stolen and replaced by
exact duplicates."


Here are some more of his gems:

* A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

* Borrow money from pessimists they don't expect it back.

* Half the people you know are below average.

* 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

* If you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain.

* All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand.

* The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

* I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.

* OK, so what's the speed of dark?

* How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?

* When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

* Hard work pays off in the future, laziness pays off now.

* I intend to live forever - so far, so good.

* If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

* My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your 
horn louder."

* Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

* The coldness of the x-ray table, is proportional to the amount of your
body required to be on it.