[lfjokes] State of emergency declared in Dunedin

[Simondo]

Dunedin is a rather chilly city in New Zealand for those of you 
unfamiliar with it.  And it's pronounced Dun-ee-din, not Dune-din, BTW
;-)

 From the Otago Daily Times, Dunedin. Friday December 6. 9:00 am
 
 Mayor Sukhi Turner flies to Wellington today to meet the cabinet and
 discuss the declaration of a state of emergency in Dunedin. This is the
 seventh day in a row that temperatures have soared into the mid
 twenties", said a grim faced Ms. Turner. "It's no longer just days. We
 are measuring the heat wave in weeks now. Something must be done about
 it." Dunedinstreets were quiet today as people anxiously kept to their
 homes in the face of the pervading onslaught of warmth. The AA have
 assured drivers that the slight stickiness on north facing tar roads is
 quite normal, but locals are not so sure. "It isn't natural", said Mrs.
 Maisie McLaggan, a long time resident of North East Valley. "All shiny
 and tacky like that. "And have you smelt it? I've seen nothing like it
 in the 63 years I've lived here. I certainly wouldn't take my Morris
 1100 out on it."
 
 Dunedin hospital reports an influx of people complaining of a strange,
 painful sense of warmth, and redness of the skin. Angus McMeekan,
 endocrinologist, has diagnosed it as a reaction to ultraviolet light,
 which he calls "quite normal". He has assured sufferers that there are
 preventive medications available, and that a supply is being sent outh
 from Christchurch. It should reach here on the 8:04 bus, tomorrow, and
 in the meantime people are being advised to stay indoors.
 
 One who did venture out today was Marnie D. Schwazzenheffer, a visiting
 American collector of antique fashion clothing. Ms. Schwazzenheffer
 spent the morning in George St., rapturously surveying the locals. "Oh
 my ..... didja see that? A pair of genuine 1963 Levi shorts? And look
 over there: those are original 1957 Raybans! And look! A pair of Dr.
 Scholl airwalkers. They must date from 1948 at the latest! And all in
 virtually unused condition!"
 
 Local retailers report an early sellout of their summer stocks.
 Hallenteins had sold all three polo shirts and both their pairs of
 shorts by Tuesday morning, and Harvey Normans is sending for a
 replacement for the fan used for display purposes, but all sold to a
 heavily perspiring customer yesterday.
 
 The adverse conditions have brought out the best in some people. The
 large, brightly coloured  canvas umbrellas normally used to keep the
 sleet and hail off cafe tables have been pressed into service as... you
 guessed it... SUNSHADES!!!! Dunedin, proving itself to be once more, a
 centre of innovation!.
 
 The Met office says relief is in sight with a comforting southerly on
 the way, but it will not be here until tomorrow. The long term prospects
 are not good, however,with  more hellish weather predicted for next
 week. People are warned to wrap themselves up against the dangers of the
 sun, and if venturing onto the beach, are asked to wear dark glasses.
 Not for the actual sun, so much, as for the bright, bluish light
 reflected off the dayglo white bodies of their fellow citizens.