[lfjokes] Good old Qantas...

[simondo]

All too rarely, airline attendants make an effort to make the
in-flight"safety lecture" and their other announcements a bit more
entertaining. Here are some real examples that have been heard or
reported:

On a Qantas Flight with a very "senior" flight attendant crew, the pilot
said, "Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and  will
be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to
enhance the appearance of your flight attendants."

On landing the hostess said, "Please be sure to take all your
belongings. If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's
something we'd like to have."

"There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways to
leave the aircraft."

"Thank you for flying Qantas. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business
as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride."

As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Canberra, a lone voice
came over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella. WHOA!"

After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Adelaide, a
flight attendant on a Qantas flight announced, "Please take care when
opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that,
sure as f#&% everything has shifted."

>From a Qantas employee: "Welcome aboard Qantas Flight XXX to YYY. To
operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull
tight. It works just like every other seat belt; and, if you don't know
how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public